The Golden Shield
Today we enter a new year and a new decade. And as many of us do during these times of monumental significance, as I find myself reflecting on who I am, who I’ve been, and who I perhaps will be, I ask myself a few questions. Am I who I believe myself to be? Am I who I want to be? Am I living my best life? Does any of that actually matter?
Oftentimes, such introspection lends itself to a little extrospection. And, when I look around at these same questions that others ask themselves and see the answers often come to, I notice something interesting. I notice that there has been born a pervading culture of thought, a philosophy, of self-betterment. In articles and books, in speeches and commentary, in memes and inspirational quotes across social media, it flourishes. It’s become the go-to ideology for nearly any self-help and leadership guru of note, and is proliferated both by the ardent follower and the casual browser just the same. It is a message of hope, change, and encouragement, meant to light the dark abyss of emotional burdens, life struggles, and hopes and dreams that fell short or shattered, which all of us carry. “Here’s how you can become the best version of you. Here’s how you can live your happiest and most successful life,” we are told. And really, who doesn’t want that?
There are some common mantras within the philosophy that you’ve likely seen and heard in some manner, probably hundreds of times and in various forums:
“If you want to succeed, surround yourself with people better than you.”
“Distance yourself from those who don’t lift you up.”
“Cut out the ‘toxic’ people from your life.”
“If they don’t inspire you to be a better you, they are not worth you in the first place.”
Invigorated with these sentiments, we can sometimes feel like screaming from the hilltops, “Yes! Exactly! I am worth it. I deserve happiness. I deserve success. If you will not be a buoy for me and my success and happiness, I won’t let you be an anchor!” And so, like a noble knight with a radiant shield of gold who is facing a thousand enemies, we choose to rise above this darkness and shine. “Look at my beautiful golden shield!” we declare from on high. “When the sunlight hits it just so, I can peer out amongst the withering masses, the glimmering light of my glorious shield both blinding and awe-inspiring, and ask ‘Who, of you, would like the honor of polishing this shield?’”
I am magnificent.
But we soon find that our golden shield becomes a detriment on the battlefield. Heavy and cumbersome, soft and unable to withstand even the slightest blow, it has no real utility in combat. It is something beautiful and noble-looking at first glance, but is in actuality a burden. And so it is with these “golden shield” philosophies—the only utilities of which are the cultivation of self-importance and selfishness.
Yes, there are times when we have to part ways with certain people in our lives and they us…that’s just a part of living. But this pervasive idea that anyone who doesn’t in some way serve our success and happiness, who doesn’t lift us up, is somehow “toxic” to our lives—well, that is toxic thinking in and of itself and purely narcissistic.
I can say for certain that if everyone throughout my life adhered to such a philosophy, at various points I would have had no one. If we are honest with ourselves, most of us can say the same. Because we are all, at times, a buoy for some and an anchor to others. As I look back at my life, there are people I can say, without a doubt that I lift and have lifted. My daughters, a few close friends, I hope my wife most of the time—and perhaps a few others out there, if I’m lucky. There are people I can say that I lean on and have leaned on—perhaps too much. And there are people who I’ve most definitely pulled down and been an anchor to. Probably sometimes still.
I’m thankful that when I’m not the lifter, when I’m the one who needs someone, or I’m just not the most pleasant person at a given moment in time for all the reasons that life creates, those who I turn to don’t instead stand on their own hilltops, peering down at me with their glimmering golden shields, and cast me aside. Those are the people who are my light. They inspire me. They are my measure of success. Not because they are better than me and so I must then be miraculously better myself, for “surrounding” myself with such people. But because, through their selflessness, they save me. They teach me through their example to do the same for others. I’m not the best at that, for sure, but I’d like to be better.
So, as we enter another new year, it can’t be a bad thing to stop and ask ourselves the question, “Am I carrying my own golden shield?” Maybe I have before. And maybe it had its utility and propped me up just enough for a while to get me out of a rut. But now, it’s probably time to cast that golden shield aside, and harbor the strength to live for myself and the selflessness to live for others.
The highest goodness is like water. Water nourishes all things and does not compete. It stays in the lowly places which others despise. Therefore, it is near the Eternal.
– Tao Te Ching
